I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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