Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize