I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize