when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
