just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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