You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
