How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
