wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
