Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
