I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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