dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
