forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
