I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize