Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
