There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
