I wish my penis had an off switch
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Holy shit dude........stairs
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
