Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize