I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
