Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
