I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
