I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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