Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
