He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
