I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize