she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The best revenge is premature balding
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
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