She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
