Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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