I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
