Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
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He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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