we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Houston, we have a squirter
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
