Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
