Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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