So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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