Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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