You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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