The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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