Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
