i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's get the cat blown out
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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