Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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