Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
