Hey man sorry I got all grabby
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
