Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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