Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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