I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
