They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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