Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i love accidental penises.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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