So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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