Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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