so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
