A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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