Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
