I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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