1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
