I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
