Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
