Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
