oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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