i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
