Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
